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I don’t know who you lost, but I know that you hurt.
During every event of the Christmas season you find yourself thinking “I wish….. was here to see this”, and suddenly you feel slightly guilty for enjoying life when your loved one isn’t here to enjoy it with you.
Tears come at odd times, like when you hang that ornament on the tree, and you remember “that day,” “that moment.” You bake cookies, and suddenly while rolling them out you burst into tears; remembering, wishing, and longing.
You hear your friends talking about doing this event, or going such and such a place with a person with the same title as the loved one you lost, mom, a friend, a child, a dad, and that hole in your heart aches just a bit more.
Then there is the annual Christmas letter, what do you write? How can you possibly be all cheery when most of the time all you feel is loss? Surely no one wants to hear about your pain but yet it has been a big part of your year.
To Those Grieving At Christmas Time,
Here is what has worked for me. I pray these suggestions work for you, but if not I pray that you will find something positive to ease the pain.
Cry when you feel like crying. Don’t hold your tears back, let them flow. I have cried over a Pingu DVD in Target. I have cried over Christmas Crackers again in Target (yes I go there a lot). With each release, I have felt a bit lighter.
Plan special events this year. These events are not to keep you from remembering but to keep you realizing that life is a gift, and those that have passed would want you to live it to the fullest.
Take some time to be alone with your thoughts. Take enough time, to sit and be quiet and remember all the precious moments you spent with your loved one. If you can’t cry in public, this is the time to cry. Let it out; all of it. The pain, the anger, and the sorrow.
Give generously this year. Whether it be with your time, or of your money. There is just something about giving that heals the human heart. If you lost a mom, give to a single mom. If you lost a Dad, find one his age who perhaps lives alone and could use a good home cooked meal delivered to his doorstep. The giving doesn’t have to be big to bring healing.
To Those Grieving At Christmas Time,
One last thing, know you are not alone. Never believe that lie. Look around you, find someone who has also lost a loved one this year, and share a good cry together and a hug. If I could jump through the screen right now, I would do that for you, because, I lost a Dad this year and many years ago I lost a mom, and I know how hard holidays can be when you have lost a loved one.
If you are reading this and you haven’t lost a loved one but you love someone who has here are 3 things that you can do to help a grieving person this Christmas
- Let them cry whenever they want; no questions asked, just be there with a hug.
- If you are a spouse, let them decide which Christmas events to keep this year and which ones to skip. Don’t let them skip all of them but don’t force them to keep every single one; chances are they don’t have the emotional energy.
- Let them share their memories of their loved one when they want to, but if they would rather be alone with their thoughts of their loved one, give them the space to do so.
(please note there is a difference between grieving and depression if you or a loved one seems to have slipped from healthy natural grieving that comes and goes in waves to depression which I am told feels like a dark cloud that never moves off the top of your head seek help)
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